Five Questions I Need Answered If I’m going to be Pope


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So, since I announced my candidacy for Pope yesterday, I’ve gotten a lot of free advice about becoming Pope.  Thank you.  Yet I still have these 5 burning questions before I accept the job. If someone from the HR department at the Vatican could get back to me on these, I could make a more informed decision.

1)   Can I work from home a few days a week?  I get that my main office would be in Vatican City. But since I’m planning on being on the road at least 60% of the time, can’t I work from home the rest of the time? I’m not a sit behind a desk kind of Pope. So, I’d have to be clear on this.

2)   How much PTO time do I get?  I know that being Pope is a full time job, but I’d like to tack on a few days when I’m in some of these foreign countries. Meet 2 million people in Hawaii?  Add a weekend on the beach to unwind and perhaps learn to surf.  Mission is Scotland? How about a few rounds of golf? I want to make sure I have the proper work/life balance.

3)   Is my dentist ‘in-network’ on the Papal dental plan? I love my dentist. I can’t imagine going anywhere else. And I’d hate to start over with all the x-rays, molds and stuff.  Can I still use my dentist? PCP? These are important things to know.

4)   How would you describe the ‘culture’ of the organization? Is it inclusive? Open to change? Is there an acknowledged enemy?  (And I don’t just mean Satan.) Is there something that would need my immediate attention on day one? Is it friendly, or will I just be another number? Do you have casual Friday’s? Do I have to wear the red shoes?

5)   Name one thing you’d be really upset about if I change it. And one thing you can’t wait to be changed.

That’s it.  If anyone out there can help me answer these questions, I’d greatly appreciate it.  Oh, and by the way, yesterday I forgot another amazing qualification – I read BOTH Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code more than once. So I already have a lot of knowledge about Vatican City.

Please comment on the WordPress blog site.

And Happy St. Valentine’s Day.

02.14.13

Rich for Pope


I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, but I think I was meant to be the next Pope. Let’s look at the chain of events.

1) Yesterday I mentioned to someone at work that I thought I’d be a great pope. Within a few minutes, she had made a custom-made Pope hat for me. Miraculously, it fit perfectly.

2) Last night when I left the office, I placed the hat on the floor of my office to go out with the days’ trash.

This morning when I arrived at the office. I found this ‘sign.’ A perfect rainbow on my hand-made Pope hat.

Now, I take signs very seriously. So beginning right now, I’m campaigning for pope.  Here are my qualifications:

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On the PLUS Side:

1)   I’m organized

2)   I’m good with people

3)   I’m tolerant

4)   I’m mostly kind

5)   I’m not too sarcastic – although a planner who used to work here would probably disagree

6)   I like Italy

7)  I know a few words in Latin

8)   I played Jesus in ‘Godspell’ – so at least I know the gospel according to St. Matthew

9)   In high school, I dated a girl who went to Catholic school

On the DOWN Side:

1)   I’m not Catholic

2)   I’m married

3)   I have children

4)   I have absolutely no experience with the Catholic church.

And while those may seem like huge obstacles to overcome, I’m used to doing the impossible.  Just last week, a client said the work we create was ‘heavenly.’  I think that’s another sign.

So until I hear otherwise, I think I’m a pretty good candidate. Please comment here, as I’d love to hear your thoughts on my chances of becoming Pope.

Oh, and Happy Ash Wednesday.  See – I’m already getting with the program.

R (Soon to be known as Matthew James the First)

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2.13.13

Help – I’ve fallen into a YouTube rabbit hole


Did this ever happen to you?

Last night, I was tired so I decided to go to bed early. I climbed into my bed around 9:30 PM with my iPad and headphones to unwind a little bit before turning out the lights.  I began searching YouTube for a video guitar lesson of a song I wanted to learn how to play – Tracy Chapman’s ‘Fast Car.’

I watched an 8-minute video, and was getting ready to go to sleep, when another video caught my eye. It was an a cappella group doing their version of ‘Fast Car.’ So I watched that 4-minute video.

That’s when I fell into the rabbit hole.

From there, I watch an a cappella group, The Vineyard Sound, singing Dion’s ‘Runaround Sue’ (which is great by-the-way). That video was 3-minutes long. I hunted through The Vineyard Sound’s catalog of videos. I watched ‘I’ll Be’ then ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’ which was followed by ‘Midnight Train To Georgia’ and for laughs ‘Take On Me.’

By now, I was fascinated by the a cappella groups on YouTube. My next stop was a group from UMass called the Doo Wop Shop.  They have an incredible video of them performing (in a classroom) a medley of songs from Disney movies.

Here’s where it gets weird. About 50 schools have done versions of an a cappella Disney movie medley.  Now I took it as a personal challenge to find the best one, the most original, the most interesting.  I watched as many as I could stand.

It’s now 11:45 PM. And I can’t sleep.

So I switch gears from Disney to a different a cappella favorite, Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ This group has over 3 million hits on their a cappella version. Its pretty damn good.

I ended the night with this version of Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller.’ While it’s not as good as some of the others, you have to give these guys credit for trying.

So if you bump into me today, and I seem tired, it’s because I went to bed early. And fell down a rabbit hole.

R

02.07.13